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Poems and other Scribblings

"Balogne Sandwiches at 6am" 

Well the other night, or was it early mornin', I was bein' chased by space aliens. You know the ones with flashin' red and blue lights in black and white cars. They abducted me and made me walk straight lines, recite the alphabet backwards, touch my nose with my eyes closed and hop up and down on one leg. It was all very amusin', but the best part of the adventure were the: "BALONEY SANDWICHES" that they served me at 6 A.M.

Now I don't know what's in those baloney sandwiches, but there must be somethin'. Cause after eaten just one, why you'll think: " Well maybe I should stop tryin' ta catch the moon in my rocketship and take a taxi next time." and after two, you'll know to avoid those space aliens with flashin' red and blue lights who want ta make ya touch your nose, walk straight lines, and recite the alphabet backwards.

Now I don't think anyone ever survives three encounters with the space aliens, but I never want to eat baloney sandwiches at 6 A.M. ever again. They are nasty and cost a lot too!!!
" THE ONE THAT'S NORMAL " THE STORY OF ELLEN SQUIDMORE: THE ONE THAT'S " NORMAL " AND HOW NORMAL CAME TO BE. Well, one day 'bout midnight, just after we had all discovered the inner meaning of reality, well, we all were hang' out with Queen Jane, Stanly O. and Mr. Cheese just trippin' on the moon beams in the rainbow, when we decided to eat dinner over at Allanadancic Pishofficula's house. ( We all call her Ellen, on account of who can say Allonadansic Pishofficula). So , we rode over to Ellen's on our Harlies and Mopeds across the Swamp of Broken Dreams and arrived at Ellen's house just too early for yesterday and too late for tomorrow.

Ellen was real glad to see us, on account of the cats were chasing the moon and the rug rats were all out of hand. Now, Ellen, as you might guess, was not from the good ol' U.S.A. and did not speak English real well. She invited us in and offered us the last of the calamari magic mushroom omelettes that she had made for dinner. When we had woofed down one of those each, she asked,

"SQUID MORE?" So, we all realized that she was " ELLEN S Q U I D M O R E ", and that she was ' the one that's normal'

and that we

were all weird.

Ellen Squidmore has 2.3 children, 1.4 bathrooms, 1.6 husbands, drives .65 of a car that is .4 Ford, .2 German and . 3 Japanese. In short, your average average normal norm.. She is divorced from Norm and married to Al.. That is why she is normal and that's how "normal "came to be.

He hath quoted the Raven times.